Kenzlie is one week old.

As of today, Kenzlie is one week! Can you believe it? I can't. Time has already gone by so fast... it makes me sad that my kids are growing up so fast and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. :) I can't believe Staley is already 6 years old! I just don't want to let time pass by. I want to be able to soak it all in- if only we could freeze time and enjoy every little thing that makes life so meaningful.

Well talk about vacation.... Stockton and Taysen have been gone now for 11 days. It has been really nice being able to spend so much time with Kenzlie, but I miss my boys SO much! Having so much time has made me -Miss OCD- a little stir crazy and has given me LOTS of time to think. It is good though. I can't complain. I have been spoiled rotten!

Austin gave Kenzlie her first bath, and she loved it! He is so cute with her! I know I said it before, but it is so neat seeing him with her.

Staley has been such a great helper! He too, is a bit stir crazy. We are usually a family always on the go. Running here, running there- getting the kids to all their activities, and to just be home all day long is quite an adjustment. It has been good having some really good quality time with Staley. He is a great little boy, and I am so proud that he is mine.

So- I know that just having a baby- okay well, being pregnant in general makes me a little emotional. Austin would probably disagree with the "little" part. :) But I am a lot more sensitive to things than normal. Some of you understand- you see a commercial on tv where you can tell this family REALLY loves each other, and you find yourself practically bawling- :) The funny thing is- that family on that commercial isn't even real. Explain that!? Again, not a bad thing. What does that have to do with anything you ask?? There has just been a lot on my mind.

I realized today while in the shower that I don't remember the last time I cried- in the shower. :) Cried is probably an understatement... more like bawled. And I was so proud of myself! When Kamberlie died, the shower was my "get away" my own time where no one was around and no one could see me or hear me.... it was my time to think and try to deal with things and I would bawl... and bawl... and bawl. For the first year and half this was a daily thing. I wouldn't intentionally go into the shower thinking that would happen- but, without fail it would. It was my little haven where I didn't have to be strong for anyone and I could just let go. As time has gone by my crying episodes have become fewer and fewer- not that they don't happen, but not every single day. Looking back over the past 2+ years I can really see how far I have come, how far my family has come and how much closer we have grown. I know there is still a huge healing process but everyday we get a little bit closer. Why do I write these things? Because I don't want to forget. Because I want to be able to look back and remember how I felt and remember the different emotions I went through. I want to understand just how much I have been blessed and how far I have come.

I want to write the great memories, the hard memories, and the not so great memories... so I don't ever forget. We are stronger than we think. Our Heavenly Father knew this all along. We just need to figure that out for ourselves. So, with that said- please bear with me, this blog is a way for me to look back and remember the good, the bad and the ugly. :)

I love you all! Thanks so much for all your support! ...There will be much more to come.